My title merely refers to the montage of thoughts, feelings, emotions, gripes, and suggestions I have been perusing in my mind this afternoon in anticipation of writing a new post. All I can say is, “Thank the Lord he is the only one who sees the inner battle, and thank the Lord he sets me straight before I spew black and white alphabetical vomit out there for all of you to read!” Now on with the days’ recap…

I honestly thought I would have a few moments this morning to write some of the details of the last two days that I have left out. But as I have stated before, it is so moment to moment in here that I truly never know. Right now, for some reason, I am not remembering something significant that happened early this morning. I know it was significant because Brian decided to go surfing instead of start Cole’s PT…hhhmmmm maybe it was just good waves! Well anyway, Cole did get a very good work out with PT today. They stood him up again (this is his second time) and although he was shaky and needed support, he held his head up almost the entire time he was on his feet. That might not sound like a big deal except for the fact that yesterday he had to have someone hold his head up and that was just in the sitting position…significant improvements in just 24hours! Brian did return in the afternoon and worked hard with Cole on speech, swallowing, breathing and upper body, until they were both tuckered out. Cole did not want more PT on his legs in the afternoon as he had to get a new catheter and was not feeling so great in his lower region.

Cole has double vision, hence the new change in appearance. And there is talk on the floor of a possible GI feeding tube should the swallowing not come about within the next two days. There is bleeding still coming up with his secretions which the doctors think might still be ulcer related. Cole’s throat is very sore and his neck, from working it out so much today, is quite painful…he just asked me to move his pillow out and off of his neck.

He asked me to stay in the room today and hold his hand during the catheter change which honestly surprised me because he has been so determined to be independent for the last two years that I expected he would want his privacy. Post the procedure when his pain was making itself known, and the Hospitalist (physician) was in to check on Cole, I asked if he wanted to request any pain meds, nothing severe just something like Tylenol. He said no, he would rather work through it and that my talking to him was helping….wish I could remember what I was saying, I could bottle it and make a fortune!! (Ok, RT just came in right now at 10pm to see about giving Cole a breathing treatment. I am catching on that RT and me have definite differences in defining ‘awake hours’. And that is ok…no harm in them asking, no harm in my refusal. Cole sleeps.)

Cole did mention to me today that the whole of his current physical deficiencies was more than he bargained for going in. He agreed that he too had what I like to call, the ‘appendectomy mentality’, the mindset more akin of that type of surgery. It is the mentality that like an appendectomy, Cole would have the tumor out, a couple of sutures and viola, home we would go. Of course we were told of the possibility of his speech, swallowing, and vision impairment, but the other issues sometimes get a little overwhelming…him not being able to stand, walk or sit on his own and the loss of coordination. Regardless, we cannot deny the DAILY physical improvements and we cling to our belief in a total recovery. I am not just blowing smoke here, we honestly do!

We are so blessed to be here. The ICU unit is a remarkable place! We are tight with the entire staff, including but not limited to the trash collectors, housekeeping, cafeteria staff, volunteer docents, coordinators from other departments, family members of other patients, other patients, and RT’s and nurses we haven’t had the pleasure of having for our own. And of course the nurses we HAVE had the pleasure of working with directly. We are visited daily by someone new who is checking on Cole and our family and filling us with some sort of encouragement.

Thank you for the messages posted for Cole this afternoon. As I cannot predict how things will go, I was not able to read him his messages as I had intended to do this evening. He is crashed but knows they are waiting for him first thing in the morning. Thank you again and again and again for all of your love, prayers and support (as well as food).

Al Shlosha D’Varim = “The world is sustained by three things: by truth, by justice, and by peace.” Allelujah, Blessed is the Lord most high!